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“Facing increasing pressure on the Pentagon budget, the Air Force now plans on ending development of a weapon system designed to eradicate Soviet satellites in space. Meanwhile, South Korean opposition leaders have declared the results of its recent presidential election invalid, due to what they deem ‘widespread fraud.’
“Back at home, Finn’s Point National Cemetery will be the site of a rare exhumation today. The body of E4 Specialist Colin Kristofer is expected to be exhumed, following recent reports of links between Kristofer and the notorious head of terrorist organization Cobra Command. Until recently, the masked fanatic’s identity was a stubborn mystery to authorities.
“We’ll be back with more headlines for this Friday, December 18th. But first, a message from the new and improved Red Rocket Burgers. Have you ridden the rocket today?”