Micro-Reviews - TALES OF THE BATMAN (Part Two)

“Museum Piece” by Mike Resnick

Another entry that plays with the narrative; this isn’t a story, but a documentation of various exhibits in the Gotham Museum.

It reads as a clinical recounting of various battles between Batman and the Joker, but no real narrative emerges.

Meaning, there’s no coherent line from one exhibit to another.  It’s not a meta-commentary on the evolution of the characters, and there’s no connection from one exhibit to the next.

The final entry does indicate that the Joker attempted suicide in the last documented case, which could be interpreted a variety of ways, but the revelation comes out of nowhere.

Not a bad hook for a piece, but it would’ve been nice if the entries didn’t come across as arbitrarily selected bits of stories.

“Wise Men of Gotham” by Edward Wellen

Oh, lordy.  Where to begin on this one?

At times, it’s a fairly standard Batman vs. Riddler story.  It’s fine, as far as that goes.

The riddles hinge on an English fairy tale I’d never heard of, the Wise Men of Gotham: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wise_Men_of_Gotham

Published in 1995, I’d wager this was written sometime in the late ‘80s.  Batman is still free to crack jokes, homelessness is the pressing issue of the day, and there’s a reference to the Japanese buying up American properties.

“Another Day in Paradise” was surely playing in the background as Edward Wellen clacked away on his IBM Lotus Pro.

Continuity’s clearly no priority here.  Previous stories featured the Bat-phone, but in this installment, Gordon only has the Bat-signal as a means to summon Batman.  Gordon acts as if he doesn’t think the signal will work, but why does he have the thing in the first place?

Another bit of absurdity -- Bruce Wayne appears at a costume party dressed as Batman, in one of his actual Batman suits.  He even has a conversation with Commissioner Gordon, who doesn’t recognize him at all.

And Bruce Wayne jeopardizes his secret ID once again when he consults with a female professor/potential love interest on the nature of the Riddler’s clues.  Is everyone in this story just flat-out oblivious?

But the dumbest moment occurs at the end, when a homeless man runs into Batman and notices something in his eyes.  The vagrant follows Batman around, and inadvertently falls victim to a bullet meant for Batman.

His final words?  I’m not making this up:

“The eyes…the eyes of the kid…who watched me…knock off his folks…in the stickup…”

Yes, Joe Chill is the random homeless man Batman happens to bump into!  And he somehow remembers Bruce’s eyes!

(Never mind that they’re white slits when Batman’s in costume…)

That’s as dumb as anything Gotham has tried to pull off.  And, yup, that’s saying something.

And is there any payoff to this?  Does it add to the story in anyway?  Nope!  It’s just tossed in during the final two pages.  Unbelievable.

You might defend the editor for not enforcing strict continuity, but how did THAT bit slip through?

Would it be so hard to say, “Let’s not introduce the killer of Batman’s parents as a random bum during the story’s wrap-up, kill him off, and not explore the idea in any way”?

“Robber’s Roost” by Max Allan Collins

Collins might be the only participant who’s actually written Batman comics before.

Collins presents us with a secret society of Gotham elites who are obsessed with owls.  Absurd!

Okay, they eat rare owls and other endangered animals, so it’s not quite the same as the Snyder comics.

Although I dislike the lazy class warfare element (Bruce is the only decent rich man in town, of course), I enjoyed the story.  Batman chases the Penguin for several hours, but later teams up with him to stop the grotesque practice.

We also have Batman’s awkward speech in front of a parole board, arranged by Gordon, which doesn’t end well.

“Brothers in Crime” by William F. Nolan

Why would you publish two Penguin stories right next to each other?  Especially when the first one ends with Batman deciding to let the Penguin go, and the second one opens with him in prison?

Every editorial choice made on this anthology is mystifying.

Anyway, this is the story of Penguin’s half-brother, who’s assigned as Penguin’s cellmate.

Told from the brother’s POV, he details Penguin’s various manipulations, and their falling out that ends with him saving Batman’s life.

There is a nice twist at the end, but we have another chatty, joyful portrayal of Batman, and a plot convenience that has Penguin easily taking down Batman.

I recognize that Batman as a character is open to interpretation, but alternating between pre and post-Miller Batman is irritating.

“Death of the Dreammaster” by Robert Sheckley

This one is…maybe?...set in the future.

It opens with Batman inadvertently killing the Joker, although he later returns to haunt Batman as a hallucination.

The tone here is bizarre -- chatty, friendly Batman again, but the story opens with Joker standing over mutilated, dismembered corpses, ready to kill a little girl.

The story’s filled with odd choices, like Batman having a publicly known girlfriend named Vera.  And I don’t mean Bruce Wayne’s girl -- Vera is specifically known as the girl Batman is seeing socially.  How does that even work?

We also have Batman adopting a fully formed alternate identity, millionaire playboy Charlie Morrison.  There’s a payoff at the end, but this just doesn’t read as a Batman story.

It’s also around 20 pages too long, and the tone shifts from horror to espionage to near-camp.  Not a great entry.

“On a Beautiful Summer’s Day, He Was” by Robert McCammon

The Joker’s origin, by way of “Stand by Me.”  Actually, it’s closer to King’s darker work.  (Yes, I know McCammon predates King.)

The Joker as a kid -- John Napier, Jr. -- abused by his mentally unstable father, kills his childhood neighbor.

All of the standard, over-explain-everything origin story moments are here.  Joker’s father is a mentally unstable chemist stuck working a job as a traveling salesman.  He’s obsessed with laughter and smiles, doesn’t understand why he can’t find happiness, and abuses his wife in horrifying ways.

Junior is ostracized by most of the kids, carries bones in his pocket, and we discover, is experimenting with animal corpses.

It’s as unpleasant as it sounds, and there’s nothing here to balance out the bleakness.  Also, playing coy with the identity of “Junior” is just ridiculous.  Clearly this is meant as a Joker origin story.

“The Joker’s War” by Robert Sheckley

Another “short” story that’s around 20 pages too long.

The premise has Joker in Europe in 1940, plotting to steal Italian art before the war spreads.

Through the course of the story, he falls in love with a German socialite, becomes a close adviser to Hitler, irritates the mafia, and uses Hitler’s astrologer Obermeier as a pawn in his schemes.

The premise is, uh, unique, but the Joker rarely feels in-character during the story.  He’s neither funny or sadistic, is capable of genuine romantic love, and doesn’t view crime as vehicles for practical jokes.

Instead, he’s a master criminal and manipulator, the greatest alive.  But he rarely feels like the Joker.

And Batman’s not even mentioned in the story, outside of Hitler stating his admiration for the way Joker handles the “beefy Batman and his catamite boyfriend Robin.”

“Endangered Species” by Greg Cox

Was there a law saying only Joker & Penguin could appear in this book?  A reminder of the days before TAS firmly took hold of the public’s perception of Batman, perhaps.  The three standout villains from the Adam West series were Joker, Penguin, and Catwoman (with Riddler as a close fourth), and that seemed to influence most interpretations of the mythos until TAS had been on the air for a few years.

And this interpretation of the Penguin is, unfortunately, dreadful.  It opens with him bathing people in literal acid rain.

I’m not saying the Penguin would never kill, but most of his murders seem to be of the “incompetent henchmen” variety.

I’ve certainly never viewed him as outright sadistic, which would be Cox’s interpretation.  Penguin’s scheme is to kidnap a pair of rare Japanese owls from the Gotham Zoo, not to preserve them for his own collection, but to threaten their death and hold them ransom.  He kidnaps the story’s narrator, a Japanese vet named Sumi, and bullies her into keeping the owls alive until he can collect his ransom.

So, the traditional view of the Penguin as a sincere bird lover who’s deluded himself into thinking he’s a part of the upper-class -- that’s gone.  He’s just a sadist kidnapping rare owls for ransom, unconcerned if they die.

Making this more irritating, a previous story showed Penguin as an earnest conservationist who teamed with Batman to save other rare birds.

That was only a few stories ago!  C’mon, this is well past sloppy.

“Copycat” by John Gregory Betancourt

After 382 pages of Joker/Penguin/Nobody villains, Catwoman finally appears.

And the premise is insane.  Catwoman has been framed for the murder of Bruce Wayne.  Upon investigating, she learns that the copycat killer is none other than Bruce’s ex, Vicki Vale.

Okay, John Gregory Betancourt.  You’ve got me interested.

The story turns out to be Bob Haney-level nuts from beginning to end.  You can poke a million holes in the plot, but it’s absurdly entertaining, and the story manages to use the two standard Batman love interests in a creative way.

Ignoring the ending, which has Catwoman swallowing cyanide, this would’ve been a nice TAS episode.

“A Harlot’s Tears” by Ed Gorman

So they wanted to shove all of the Catwoman stories at the end of the book?

I swear this book was assembled by a Random Batman Story Generator and not an actual editor.

After a zany piece inspired by the Silver Age, we’re abruptly thrown into a vulgar tale of Catwoman aiding prostitutes targeted by a serial killer.

Casual drug use, repeated f-bombs, it’s all very Vertigo.  (And I guess this beats Batman V Superman’s R-cut as the first time “f**k” appeared in material featuring Batman.)

I’m not a big fan of Catwoman’s retconned past as a hooker, or inserting patently adult material into these concepts, but the story of Selina looking out for girls on the stroll starts off strong.

The ending, however, which has her taking the killer home with her overnight so that he can TALK ABOUT HIS FEELINGS with his intended victims, is laughable.

Nice writing, in general, evoking a gritty late ‘80s feel, but the ending is irritatingly absurd.

“Reformed” by John Gregory Betancourt

Oh, great.  Another Penguin story.

The anthology includes several stories previously published, which likely explains why John Gregory Betancourt has two contributions.  Why they were placed so close together, however, is beyond me.

I have an immediate gripe about this one -- Penguin shouldn’t be in Arkham Asylum.  Traditionally, he isn’t played as insane.  I think the Animated Series slipped up once and placed him in Arkham, but usually he was shown in Blackgate Penitentiary.  

And he never comes across as insane in this story, outside of his obsession with Batman.  It’s a generic Penguin story, without even a bird-themed crime, and there’s not much to it.

“Vulture - A Tale of the Penguin” by Steve Rasnic Tem

The closing entry…and heaven help us all, it’s another Penguin story.

It’s also another “short” story with a funny definition of the term.  Sixty-two pages long.

This time, Penguin is in normal prison, not Arkham.  (Even though this story presents a more credible argument for his instability.)  He’s spent months in a high-profile hunger strike.  It’s all a part of an escape plan, and I’ll admit, Tem’s scheme is clever.

Free from prison, and now unrecognizably skinny, Penguin explores the outside world and realizes just how much the culture has changed.  Death is no longer taboo, “freaks” walk around in daylight, and kids idolize horror movie monsters.

Declaring himself a performance artist, Penguin rechristens himself The Vulture, adopting a new criminal persona.  He commits small crimes throughout skid row, until he learns of Gotham’s new serial killer -- The Bird of Prey.

Penguin dedicates himself to stopping the killer, and the story evolves into straight-up Dexter.  Penguin turns out to be a mediocre vigilante, however, and remains clueless in romance.  Batman appears at the end, and Penguin welcomes incarceration.

“Vulture” is one of the strongest stores in the anthology; if only it were the ONE Penguin story in this thing.  Who thought we needed around six hundred of them?

And if you've noticed the 2 villains prominently featured on that cover image, remember this was released in 1995.

 It's also a cheap stunt to pull -- only ONE Riddler story and ZERO Two-Face stories.

Now I'm wondering if the endless Penguin stories were initially commissioned as BATMAN RETURNS tie-ins?

Micro-Reviews - TALES OF THE BATMAN

TALES OF THE BATMAN - a 1995 short story compilation, featuring work from writers like Joe Lansdale and Isaac Asimov.  Not sure how I ended up with a copy.  Those “Buy 10 Books for a Penny!” book club ads in ‘90s comics always seemed to feature this collection, so I assume someone I knew ended up with this and passed it along to me.

I’ll admit that, until now, I’ve never found the time to read this thing.

For years, I assumed the cover was by Brian Stelfreeze, but it’s a Steve Stanley piece.  No spot illos on the inside, in contrast to all of the Marvel novels of the era.

The collection opens with “Neutral Ground” by Mike Resnick.

A short, unexciting intro chapter, based on the premise of a neutral costume shop for Gotham’s costumed figures.  Including Batman.

I’m sure DC’s bible now makes is clear Batman makes his own gear.  And the prospect of him ever sharing “Neutral Ground” with criminals is hard to swallow.

The story also doesn’t indicate Bruce wears a disguise when shopping for new gloves and boots, which is odd.

Then again, the Riddler is described as having “thinning blond hair,” so maybe the implication is that all customers wear disguises.

“Command Performance” by Howard Goldsmith

A Dick Grayson solo tale, set during his high school days.  Apparently, Dick works for his high school newspaper -- which has its own building, printing press, and reputation for investigative reporting.  Okay.

This reads as a YA story, which isn’t inappropriate, since the plot centers on Dick investigating a ring of teenage thieves, led by a hypnotist.  I wasn’t expecting YA material in the anthology, however; it’s presented as a novel for older readers.

Goldsmith’s portrayal of Batman is years out of date.  ‘90s Batman was already past his “chatty” stage.  He also thinks nothing of having Batman and Dick Grayson interact in public, which likely didn’t happen much after the Silver Age.

Goldsmith also isn’t writing Robin as a young martial arts master; he’s unable to outmaneuver an aging hypnotist in one lengthy scene.

The number of lame villains in these opening pieces is stunning.

“Subway Jack” by Joe R. Lansdale

Lansdale became a writer on TAS based on his earlier prose Batman work.

“Subway Jack” is a predator, possessed by the evil spirit that inhabits a blade. It’s another entry in the Batman vs. serial killer genre, following a rather goofy story that seems inspired by the ‘60s TV show.

Lansdale emphasizes the friendship between Gordon and Batman, allowing both to take turns as narrator.  That’s when the narrative isn’t switching over to descriptions that read as excerpts from a comic script.  I’m assuming most readers are familiar with terms like “splash page,” but maybe a casual fan at Waldenbooks was confused.

Nothing new about pitting Batman against Jack the Ripper types, but Lansdale understands the two main characters well.  And the way he plays around with the narrative breaks up the monotony.

“Northwestward” by Isaac Asimov

The anthology’s biggest name, Asimov has little interest in writing a straight Batman piece.

Instead, it’s a mystery story that centers on the “real” Bruce Wayne, the millionaire investigator who inspired the fictitious hero “Batman.”

Bruce, now 73, has approached a society of intellectuals known as the Black Widowers to help him resolve a personal mystery.

Bruce is concerned that his current butler, Alfred’s nephew, was plotting to steal valuable pieces of Batman memorabilia.  (The real Bruce having amassed the world’s largest collection of Batman paraphernalia, flattered by “his” success.)

After exhausting all possibilities, it’s the Black Widowers’ butler who notices a clue everyone missed, clearing the case.

Asimov seems enchanted by the idea of Batman as a human hero, dismissive of Superman & other impervious gods.  What that has to do with creating fiction within fiction, giving us a “real” Bruce who was never Batman -- that, I don’t get.

It seems, especially if the story stars an elderly Bruce, that the same mystery could’ve been told with the standard, fictitious Batman.

But who am I to judge Isaac Asimov?

X-MEN LEGENDS - June 2000 (Part Six)

Ice Prince

Written by K. A. Kindya

Summary:  Jubilee is stunned to discover Rogue and Jean Grey are fans of professional figure skating.  She refuses to watch, until she catches a glimpse of teenage skater Christopher Kim.  Her crush on Chris inspires her to try figure skating.  She travels with Rogue and Jean Grey to see Chris compete, but his act is cut short by the Friends of Humanity.  They reveal that Chris is actually a mutant who’s used his powers to aid his performance.  The crowd erupts in a panic and Chris is lead offstage.  Jubilee sneaks backstage and rescues Chris from two FoH members.  In the melee, Chris realizes he has levitation skills.  Jubilee invites Chris to stay at Xavier’s school, and in the ensuing weeks, he discovers his skating career is over.  Jubilee encourages Chris to find other interests, and soon Chris leaves the country to explore his passion for art.  Jubilee tries to tell herself she’s over Chris but she knows it isn’t true.

Continuity Notes:  According to the Continuity Guide, this story is set shortly after X-Men (vol. 2) #3 (December 1991).  Jubilee’s references to Magneto, the Legacy Virus, and the team recently returning from Genosha lead me to believe that it’s intended to be set after the “Bloodties”crossover, which places it post-X-Men (vol. 2) #26.

I Love the ‘90s:  Rogue says the commotion at the rink is worse than what happened with Nancy and Tonya.

Review:  I’m also not the target audience for this story, and unfortunately I can’t claim this one is “mercifully short.”  Twenty-four pages isn’t a totally unreasonable length for a short story, but twenty-four pages dedicated to Jubilee discovering the joys of professional figure skating is borderline torture.  Even if I were to ignore my inherent apathy towards figure skating, it’s hard to find anything of merit here.  The heroes are simpletons (it’s painfully obvious from the second page that Chris is a mutant, but the X-Men don’t realize this until the FoH announce the fact to the world), the plot has no real stakes for any of the established characters, and Jubilee’s acerbic, bratty personality is tossed out the window so that she can fall in love with the author’s idealized fantasy of a sensitive, young skating prodigy.  We’re also to believe that Rogue, of all the female X-Men, is a diehard fan of competitive figure skating.  Jean Grey I could buy, but Rogue?  Almost every member of the team K. A. Kindya uses in the story is twisted out-of-character in order to fulfill a preordained role in what turns out to be some sort of sports/superhero fan-fiction mash-up.  I had no idea the genre even existed, although I guess there probably is a Livejournal page out there dedicated to Wolverine and Cyclops settling their differences on the ballroom floor.  

Such Stuff as Dreams Are Made Of

Written by Robin Wayne Bailey

Summary:  Phoenix dreams that she is Army nurse Jane Somerset, engaged to Captain Stephen Maxwell.  In her visions, she repeatedly witnesses Stephen die at Pearl Harbor.  Cyclops and Phoenix attempt to discover the source of these dreams, and Cyclops’ research reveals that a Jane Somerset has been admitted to a nearby VA hospital.  While driving through Salem Center, Cyclops and Phoenix meet the pastor of the church Jane’s sister Margaret attends.  After meeting and befriending Margaret, Cyclops and Phoenix visit Jane in her hospital room.  Realizing that Jane is a mutant with only hours to live, Jean telepathically gives her the wedding she was robbed of in 1941.

Continuity Notes:  This story, intended as a continuation of Scott and Jean’s honeymoon, is set after the initial Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix miniseries (May-August 1994).

Review:  Hypothetically, I should like this one.  The premise is unique, the mystery is intriguing, and I tend to enjoy stories that have normal people interacting with telepathy in some way.  The execution, however, is so dry it’s hard to feel any real connection to the events.  The first half of the story is squandered with repetitive sequences of the mysterious Stephen Maxwell dying over and over again.  The author could’ve established in a few lines that Jean has been having this dream repeatedly for the past few days, but instead the reader has to endure the same death scene of a character we know or care nothing about for several pages.  It undermines the initial hook of the story, which is actually quite strong.  Robin Wayne Bailey also has a writing tic that personally bothers me – too much detail.  I mean, detail to the point that we’re told the name brand of the radio in Jean’s bedroom and Martha Somerset’s preferred teapot style.  The excessive verbiage kills the momentum of the story and eats up room that could’ve been used to flesh out Jane’s character.  The final pages of the story hint at some fantastic ideas – Jane becoming mute following Pearl Harbor (perhaps because she lost her hearing in the bombing, or more likely due to the trauma), Jean as a sympathetic mind that Jane’s reached out to, and Jean’s realization that Professor X saved her from Jane’s fate following her friend Annie’s death – but there’s no space for any of these concepts to have life.  There’s great potential here, but the story never manages to make Jane Somerset a fully realized character.  And without a genuine connection to Jane, the story falls apart.

X-MEN LEGENDS - June 2000 (Part Five)

The Stranger Inside

Written by Jennifer Heddle

Summary:  Remembering the advice of Professor Xavier, Rogue starts a diary.  Carol Danvers, whose consciousness has recently been overtaking Rogue’s body, also keeps pages in the journal.  Rogue resents Carol’s intrusion into another aspect of her life, but eventually sympathizes with Carol’s pain.  Carol writes a message to Rogue, telling her that she’ll try to hate her less.  Rogue, following Carol’s advice, begins to grow closer to the X-Men.

Continuity Notes:  The Continuity Guide places this story concurrently with Uncanny X-Men #243-246 (April-July 1989), during the days the X-Men lived in a ghost town in the Australian outback.  Rogue feels distressed at the start of the story following the events of “Inferno,” which had her touching Apocalypse’s evil while kissing Archangel, and later facing the demon N’astirh. (Uncanny X-Men #243 was actually the last UXM issue of “Inferno,” so really the story can’t begin until UXM #244.)

Review:  I’ve always loved the status quo that had Rogue and Carol Danvers sharing a body.  Allowing Rogue to keep Carol’s powers but pay no emotional toil for her actions was kind of cheap, so I’m glad Claremont eventually hit on the idea of Carol spontaneously taking over Rogue’s body at certain times.  Now, Rogue literally can’t forget about her greatest sin, and she’s forced to acknowledge that the X-Men actually like Carol more than they like her.  There’s enormous story potential here, and presenting the narrative as Rogue and Carol’s alternating diary entries is pretty smart.  The most touching moment of the story comes when Carol realizes that she can’t remember the last time she saw her brother.  She remembers him as a child, and she knows he died in Vietnam, but her final moments with him are gone.  Perhaps Rogue’s powers permanently erased some of her memories, or Rogue’s actually cruel enough to intentionally keep the memory from her.  The way Heddle uses the existing backstory to humanize Carol and dramatize the current hell she lives in is admirably good writing.  There’s no real resolution to this mystery; it’s implied that Rogue wouldn’t do such a thing because she has genuinely reformed, but the idea is actually left out there dangling.

Jennifer Heddle seems to be basing most of her story on a scene in Uncanny X-Men #244, which had Rogue smashing up furniture that Carol bought while in control of her body.  Rogue’s only peace in life has come from within herself, due to her inability to touch others, and now even that’s gone.  Carol, on the other hand, has lost everything and sees the face of the person who stole it all in the mirror every day (or at least on the occasions her personality becomes dominant).  As I said earlier, there’s great potential for conflict here, and it’s a shame that Claremont didn’t do more with the idea.  That’s one of the advantages of a retro-anthology; a writer can pick up on a concept that still had some life in it and give readers a worthy “lost tale.”  This is precisely the kind of story I wanted to read in this anthology.  I was sure we’d get a Silver Age nostalgia piece with the original team, an Xavier solo story, and something with Kitty Pryde as a rookie X-Man, but I wasn’t expecting to find a specific continuity point from a somewhat obscure era in the X-Men’s past addressed so poignantly.

Once a Thief

Written by Ashley McConnell

Summary:  Gambit visits the Saint-Chinian region of France.  He runs into a fellow thief, Richard Reynaud, who dares Gambit to steal the wedding rings of a newlywed couple.  Gambit refuses, but soon discovers at his hotel that the rings are missing.  Gambit’s friend, the waitress Madelaine, is accused of the crime.  Gambit clears her name by invading Villa Reynaud and reclaiming the rings.  After the rings are returned to their rightful owners, Richard Reynaud confronts Gambit and tells him he isn’t a true thief.

Continuity Notes:  “Once a Thief” takes place “in the general vicinity” of Uncanny X-Men #275 (April 1991), during Gambit’s earliest days as an X-Man.  I would place it closer to the first issue of the second volume of X-Men, since the narration mentions Cyclops while Gambit is mentally reflecting on the X-Men.

Review:  I’ve never quite understood why Gambit attracted such a dedicated following of female fans, nor have I fully bought into the idea that he’s a refugee from a romance novel who ended up in X-Men comics.  Consequently, I’m not the target audience for this story.  It’s not a “romance” in the way the word is commonly used today (Gambit flirts a lot but doesn’t get involved with any of the female characters), but the story is filled with starry-eyed descriptions of France, loving accounts of Gambit’s innate charm and masculinity, and the stakes simply involve the reunion of a young couple with their wedding rings.  McConnell is attempting to tell a story that bridges the gap between Gambit’s days as a thief and a hero, which is a nice premise for an “untold tale,” but at no point did I really buy into the narrative.  Gambit’s rival is just broad enough to justify for mustache-twirling status, and the waitress and newlywed characters are strictly ciphers.  Some of Gambit’s inner monologue does feel true to the character, but I can’t say that’s enough to maintain my interest in the story.  It is mercifully short though, unlike the robotic dog story from a few chapters ago that lingered endlessly.

X-MEN LEGENDS - June 2000 (Part Four)

A Fine Line

Written by Dori Koogler

Summary:  Callisto oversees Colossus’ recuperation on Muir Island.  Colossus views Callisto as a brutal coach, but he sees a different side of her when the Morlock child Jessie is placed in a medically induced coma to prevent her violent telekinetic powers from reemerging.  Colossus watches for days as Callisto reads The Wizard of Oz to Jessie.  When Jessie’s powers again grow out of control and she dies while under Moira MacTaggert’s care, Callisto is enraged.  Colossus consoles her, and as they grow closer, Shadowcat becomes jealous.  When Colossus realizes that his friendship with Callisto is hurting Shadowcat, and that he’s unable to return Callisto’s affection, he leaves Muir Island for Edinburgh.  Days later, the residents of Muir Island discover that Colossus has rejoined the X-Men and died in Dallas.  Shadowcat attempts to comfort the caustic Callisto and advises her to be true to the person Colossus thought she could be.

Continuity Notes:  

• According to the Continuity Guide, this story is set “just prior” to Uncanny X-Men #224 (December 1987), except for the ending, which takes place between Uncanny X-Men #227 (March 1987) and the initial Excalibur special.
• At this stage in continuity, Callisto and the injured Morlocks are staying on Muir Island with Colossus, Nightcrawler, and Shadowcat following the Mutant Massacre.  Colossus’ “death” in Dallas at the end of the story is a reference to the “Fall of the Mutants” event.
• After weeks of physical therapy, Colossus is able to revert to his human form during the story.  In the comics (as I recall), Colossus remains stuck in his armored form until after he goes through Siege Perilous in Uncanny X-Men #251.  When he reappeared months later, he emerged in his human form and the storyline was never mentioned again.

Review:  “A Fine Line” is set during that chaotic period post-Mutant Massacre when no one even seemed quite sure who was supposed to be an X-Man.  An intimate, human story like this one would’ve be a welcome relief during those days, and Dori Koogler manages to evoke a classic Claremont feel throughout the piece.  Unveiling the hidden depth behind a previously one-note villain is a hallmark of Claremont’s work, not to mention his explorations of the tangled thread of relationships and ex-relationships, so this genuinely feels like a missing story from the ‘80s X-Men.  

I’m assuming the inspiration behind this story is Colossus’ post-Siege Perilous relationship with Callisto, even though it reads very well on its own without any knowledge of where X-continuity is going.  I like the idea that Colossus saw a glimpse of the inner beauty, so to speak, within Callisto months before his memory was erased and he ended up falling for her in a completely different context.  Koogler manages to make Colossus far more sympathetic than he appears under most writers.  He spends time with Nightcrawler every day while his friend’s in a coma, he still has dreams about his deceased love Zsaji, he reaches out to Callisto out of honest concern (oblivious to any romantic feelings that she might develop in return), and ultimately does what he thinks is necessary to spare both Shadowcat and Callisto’s feelings.  Callisto is also admirably fleshed out.  Stories like this are always tricky – it’s not as if Callisto was initially conceived as Colossus’ love interest, after all – but Koogler manages to stay true to Callisto’s character and provide plausible circumstances within the plot that will justify the emergence of other aspects of her personality.  Bringing Shadowcat (stuck as a ghost at this point in continuity, floating around Muir Island and keeping tabs on her ex-boyfriend) into the story is a nice play on the existing backstory, and a great way to complicate Callisto’s attempts to seduce Colossus.  Even though this might initially seem like cliché love triangle material, the characters feel authentic throughout.  The story is a little too long, and it’s arguable the scene that has Callisto suicidal following Jessie’s death is going too far, but overall this is a fantastic effort from Dori Koogler.  

Steel Dogs and Englishmen

Written by Thomas Deja

Summary:  Peter Wisdom contacts Banshee, introducing himself as a W.H.O. agent.  He explains that Justin Hammer has moved his operations to England and is selling a new model of Sentinel.  Banshee reluctantly agrees to join Wisdom on the mission, which has them infiltrating Hammer’s nautical mansion.  After facing a new breed of canine Sentinels, they’re captured by Hammer’s guards.  Banshee and Wisdom escape Hammer’s makeshift prison and find his control room.  Banshee hacks into the computer and inserts the virus disc that destroys the newest Master Mold, and Hammer’s home.  Later, Wisdom meets with his true employers, Black Air, and hands them a disc with copied Sentinel schematics.

Continuity Notes:  This story “takes place concurrently” with Excalibur #11 (August 1989).  Banshee doesn’t have his sonic powers at this point, a fact Wisdom doesn’t know when he contacts him.

“Huh?” Moment:  Banshee wears an old SHIELD outfit while on the mission, a detail that’s never explained. I know that Banshee was an Interpol agent in the past, but don’t recall him ever working with SHIELD.

Review:  I’m not a big fan of action in the prose format, and unfortunately, this is around twenty pages of action.  The premise for the story is fine -- former secret agent Sean Cassidy getting called out of retirement by the arrogant young punk Pete Wisdom has potential, and it’s an unobtrusive way to retcon Wisdom into one of the X-Men’s past.  But the chemistry between Wisdom and Banshee is just tepid; none of the barbs are particularly funny and there’s no real bond between the characters.  Perhaps there is an entertaining way to have Banshee and Wisdom bounce off each other, but Deja doesn’t find it.  The only real conflict between them comes from Banshee’s refusal to kill, and even that feels casually tossed away when Banshee blows up Hammer’s operation at the end.  Surely not everyone escaped, did they?

 

While I did enjoy Deja’s interpretation of preppie criminal Justin Hammer (and the white tennis outfits the heroes are forced to wear while in “prison,” which is actually Hammer’s guest room), the lengthy fight scenes with the canine Sentinels felt like they dragged on forever.  Even in comics, the visual of a robotic dog wouldn’t be so exciting, and reading page after page of prose descriptions of Banshee and Wisdom fighting them, with some generic goons thrown in, gets old quickly.  It’s just too much of a chore to finish, and the payoff of “Black Air is up to something!” isn’t enough to justify the effort.