PETER PARKER, SPIDER-MAN #97 - November 1998

Let the Heavens Tremble at the Power of the Goblin! The Final Chapter Part 2

Credits:  Howard Mackie (writer), John Romita, Jr. (penciler), Scott Hanna (inks), Gregory Wright (colors), Comicraft (letters)

The Plot:  The Green Goblin flies to his upstate hunting lodge to confront Spider-Man.  On the premises, Spider-Man contends with genetically altered trees and animals.  Eventually the Goblin faces Spider-Man, handing him a copy of the Osborn Journal, which the Goblin says he should’ve found months ago.  Spider-Man watches as Osborn’s written words morph into an accusation that Peter Parker poisoned his aunt when she discovered he’s Spider-Man.  Enraged, Spider-Man knocks the Goblin down and restrains him with webbing.  He enters a bedroom, expecting to find his daughter May.  Instead, he’s struck with a vase by Aunt May.

The Subplots:  MJ is fitted with clothes for her new modeling assignment, but is now unsure if she’s doing the right thing.

Web of Continuity:  

• This issue marks the full debut of the Green Goblin’s new costume.  It’s the first of many John Byrne will redesign during this era.
• Osborn claims Spider-Man should’ve found his journal when he invaded Osborn’s office back in Spectacular Spider-Man #250.
• The Osborn Journal was a one-shot published in 1997 with the goal of tying up some of the loose ends surrounding Norman Osborn’s resurrection.  According to Osborn this issue, the journal was a mix of truth and lies.

“Huh?” Moment:  MJ remarks that the dress she’s trying on costs more than she’s been making in a year.  She hasn’t had a job in a year, right?

Miscellaneous Note:  The Statement of Ownership lists average sales for the year at 108,050 copies, with the most recent issue selling 103,907.

Review:  Admittedly, this issue isn’t as shamefully bad as the previous PPSM, but it’s still terrible.  I’m forced to revert, once again, to bullet points.

• The issue opens with one of the dumbest clichés of the modern age, the villain killing his henchmen for absolutely no reason.  It’s possible that this was a chilling idea once, it sounds like something Denny O’Neil would’ve done with the Joker back in the ‘70s, but I can’t personally recall a time when it’s ever had any impact.  Seriously, did any of these scenes ever elicit any kind of a response out of you?  Did anyone ever mourn the loss of Background Goon #3?  A villain killing his pawn for failing him, sure; but the random murder of faceless underlings is an utterly moronic move for any so-called “brilliant” mastermind.  How is he going to find new flunkies if he keeps killing his existing ones for dramatic effect?
• Not only is Osborn now acting like a cut-rate Joker, but the story has him stealing gimmicks from a different villain every few pages.  He’s created an evil garden for Spider-Man to swing through, plus freakish mutated animals (which are virtually identical to the demons Romita, Jr. designed back in Daredevil’s Mephisto arc), he’s written a fake journal with the goal of framing Peter Parker, and he has a new plan to detonate a “DNA Bomb” that will reshape the world in his image.  Only one of those schemes actually sounds like something Osborn would do, and it’s the plot that he casually gives up on this issue.
• Speaking of the fake journal…I’m sure anyone who bought the Osborn Journal a few months earlier in order to piece together how exactly Marvel justified reviving Osborn was thrilled to discover that it had been written in disappearing ink and was filled with lies.
• 
  The combination of John Romita, Jr., Scott Hanna, and colorist Gregory Wright do a lot to sell the mood this issue.  I would argue that they’re solely responsible for any atmosphere the issue contains.  The pages of Spider-Man confronting the Green Goblin at dusk look amazing; they’re almost pretty enough to distract from the utter nonsense the characters are speaking.
• Not surprisingly at this point, the scripting is a mess.  The issue opens with one of Osborn’s goons thinking, “He’s letting us help with the new costume,” (as we plainly see the goons dressing Osborn) and things don’t improve from there.  Someone might argue that it’s an intentional effort to evoke the Silver Age, but really, there’s no charm here.  It’s just awkward.  Try reading some of this stuff aloud.  “But, as with any great act of creation there will be some casualties and a significant amount of pain.  To that end you might consider my killing you a gift bestowed upon an old friend of the Osborn family!”
• “Thanks for the generous offer, Norman, but I’m going to have to refuse…on account of your being a nut case!”  Awful jokes, too.
• The return of Aunt May…since this is the last page reveal, I’ll hold off on discussing this in-depth until later.  I will acknowledge that as a cliffhanger, this is guaranteed to get some reaction out of the readership.  (People honestly believed at the time that Marvel would never revive Aunt May.)  If someone like J. M. DeMatteis wrote this scene, I would have some faith that something clever is coming next.  Having May call Spider-Man a “horrible creature” and attack him with a vase would’ve been a cute joke if the next chapter revealed that this is some kind of impostor given out-of-date directions, but that’s simply not the case.  Yes, not only is Marvel reviving Aunt May, but we’re getting that Aunt May…

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #441 - November 1998

And Who Shall Claim A Kingly Crown? - The Final Chapter Part 1

Credits:  John Byrne (writer), Rafael Kayanan (penciler), Bud LaRosa (inks), Mike Rockwitz & Matt Hicks (colors), Comicraft’s Liz Agraphiotis (letters)

The Plot:  Robbie Robertson and Alison Mongrain finally reach the Parkers’ home.  Molten Man locates them again, but is briefly able to fight off the device that’s been implanted in his brain.  Robbie realizes that the locket Alison wears is secretly a homing beacon.  Once it’s destroyed, Molten Man becomes peaceful again.  MJ meets Robbie and Alison in the street, and a feeble Alison informs her that May is alive shortly before she collapses.  Later, Spider-Man returns home and learns the news.  He leaves for Osborn’s hunting lodge, where May is supposedly being held, even though MJ thinks it’s a trick.  Elsewhere, the Gathering of Five ceremony begins.  When the ceremony is finished, Osborn is convinced that he has now been granted the gift of power.

The Subplots:  None.

Web of Continuity:  

• Peter and MJ are assuming that the “May” Alison spoke of is their daughter, of course.
• We’re led to believe this issue that the Gathering of Five ceremony has ended with Madame Web receiving death, Overpower receiving immortality, Mattie Franklin receiving knowledge, Maxwell (the antiques dealer) receiving madness, and Osborn being granted power.  Subsequent issues will reveal that, naturally, nothing is as it seems.
• Mattie Franklin makes her full debut this issue.  She’s taken her father’s place after “his courage failed him.”
• A flashback shows Osborn implanting a device in Mark Raxton’s brain and transforming him back into Molten Man.  Except…Raxton can’t turn his molten form on and off.  He is Molten Man at all times, and I don’t recall any story that’s ever deviated from this.

Forever Young:  Teenager Mattie Franklin is a huge Spider-Man fan, telling Norman Osborn that adults like him “are too old to get what Spider-Man is all about!”  This doesn’t come across as forced or awkward at all, does it?

Miscellaneous Note:  The Statement of Ownership lists average sales at 119,547 copies, and the most recent issue selling 115,530 copies.

Review:  Believe it or not, this is the final issue of Amazing Spider-Man.  Of course, Marvel acknowledges in this very issue that a new Amazing Spider-Man #1 is only a few weeks away, but this remains the final issue of the first volume of the book.  (And Marvel will never pull this renumbering stunt again, will they?)  What a way to go out…the opening chapter of a crossover, a fill-in writer and artist, a massive continuity blunder involving the story’s villain, and absolutely nothing for Spider-Man to do throughout the entire issue.  Marvel’s approach to this pre-relaunch material is mystifying.  It’s obvious that these final two crossovers are paving the way for the new direction, yet the overall execution reads as if no one’s really paying attention to what’s being published.  If you are curious about the relaunch and pick the crossovers up, the inconsistent material probably isn’t going to entice you into coming back.  And if you think it’s safe to ignore these final issues, you’re out of luck, since the stories provide origins for many of the new characters appearing in the relaunch, plus minor details like the resurrection of Aunt May are occurring.  Ideally, the final issues of the titles would’ve provided a smooth transition between eras, and the new #1 titles coming later could start off with new stories that aren’t closely tied to the previous era.  What we’re getting is the worst of both options.

Judging the issue on its own merits, the outlook isn’t much better.  The entire story is structured so that Spider-Man barely appears, which would seem to be a fundamental problem.  I can understand why Byrne would want MJ to be the one to deliver the news regarding May to Peter, but couldn’t Spider-Man be occupied by something else until we reach the climax of the issue?  Why are so many pages wasted on the Gathering ceremony?  It consists largely of characters that no one cares anything about, doing something with no visual appeal whatsoever (placing artifacts on a table.)  And the elaborate sequence designed to show which character received which gift is undermined by a previous issue telling us that the gifts aren’t what they appear to be anyway.  We’ve already been told a fake-out is coming, so devoting so much time selling results that we all know aren’t real seems like a waste.  There are also just basic storytelling issues that drag the issue down.  The scenes with Robbie and Alison aren’t so bad, admittedly, but it’s hard to ignore that both Molten Man and Alison Mongrain literally disappear over the course of the story.  I mean, one panel they’re there, the next they’re not kind of disappearing.  Alison might even be dead for all we know; the story’s annoyingly vague.  Perhaps Rafael Kayanan shares in the blame.  He draws some shockingly inconsistent faces from panel to panel this issue, so it wouldn’t stun me to learn that he was on a tight deadline and perhaps some story details were left out of the art.  Unfortunately, Kayanan is ending his fill-in stint with his weakest work so far in the book.  (Although that final shot of Spidey swinging away from the Parkers’ home is pretty impressive.)

By the way, what’s the deal with Alison Mongrain’s characterization?  She’s gone from being a coldhearted Osborn flunky to this brave, selfless woman determined to let the Parkers know the truth about May.  I can understand her turning on Osborn after he tried to kill her, but why is she suddenly so virtuous?  Couldn’t she go into hiding and just write the Parkers a letter?  

Finally, there’s the issue of Aunt May’s return.  I think people have forgotten exactly how much fans hated this idea, largely because it’s just been accepted by now that Aunt May will always be a part of the Spider-Man mythos.  I won’t get into the merits of reviving the character right now, but I will say that only using the name “May” as a red herring is a clever move on Byrne’s part.  Perhaps unnecessarily cruel, but it’s a great tease for the rest of the storyline.  I’d much rather read about Spider-Man’s search for his daughter (even if it is a red herring) than anything relating to this arcane ceremony that’s been dragging the titles down for far too many issues.

BODYCOUNT #4 – July 1996

Credits:  Kevin Eastman (story & layouts), Simon Bisley (pencils & inks), Steve Lavigne (letters & colors), Altered Earth Arts (computer colors)

Pizza-Free Summary:  Raphael so enthusiastically joins the fight, Casey worries about his mental state.  As Casey is struck by a bullet, Martin convinces Midnight and Johnny Woo Woo to face each other one-on-one in Sanctuary.  After Martin reveals that Sanctuary was created as an arena where two competitors could resolve disputes, Midnight divulges Lord Dong’s motive for wanting her dead.  Dong knew of Midnight’s support of Sanctuary, and disapproved of her secret relationship with fellow employee Lee.  Dong also wanted Johnny dead, fearing him to be too powerful.  Johnny initially doubts that Dong wanted them all dead, but realizes that Midnight, his sister, is telling the truth.  He grabs her blade and commits suicide.  Nearby, Casey regains consciousness and reveals that the bullet struck a commemorative hockey puck he keeps near his heart.  Raphael lets go of his bloodlust and encourages Martin to end the violence.  He leads Raphael and the others out of his church, which he promptly firebombs.  Later in Hong Kong, Lord Dong receives one of Johnny’s metal hands, sent by his secret agent, Detective Choy.

Continuity Notes:  This miniseries seems to be ignoring Casey Jones’ relationship with April O’Neil, since he asks Midnight at the end of the story if she’s interested in him.  (In just a few months, we see Casey and April raising a kid together in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles volume 3.)  Also, in case you care, FBI agent Bode is accidentally killed by Choy’s assistant while they stand outside of Martin’s church.

Not Approved By The Comics Code Authority:  In addition to a couple of almost f-bombs, and of course more blood and guts, Midnight spontaneously changes outfits into a one-piece reminiscent of Vamperilla’s.  The outfit doesn’t seem to cover all of her areola, and not surprisingly, she’s still “poking” out.  (I’m posting a blurred version partially as a joke, but also because it is possible that a kid  Googling TMNT might find these posts.)

I Love the ‘90s:  Martin pulls out the Forest Gump “Life is like a box of chocolates” line during the final pages.

Review in a Half-Shell:  Well, that unpleasantness is behind us now.  I remember Larsen ran a letter from a mother outraged by this comic, essentially to mock her and tell her that he isn’t responsible for raising her kids.  That attitude still perplexes me -- was it so outrageous that a mother assume a comic with a Ninja Turtle on the cover be suitable for her kid?  I’m sure the letter did make the woman come across as a little screwy, but taking this dismissive stance after TMNT has generated millions of dollars for its creators as a kid-friendly property is ridiculous.  If you take the money, you accept certain responsibilities as well.  Assuming this book was sold on the newsstand (I’m almost positive I saw the third issue at a Walmart), it would be safe to expect children were going to see it.  A parent who truly looked at the covers could’ve guessed this isn’t for kids, but I can understand why many parents would just assume anything Ninja Turtles was okay for little Timmy.  Of course, TMNT was dying out as a kids’ property in 1996, so no real controversy was generated, but to be so flippant towards the complaints seems needlessly arrogant.

After three consecutive issues of non-plot, the finale takes the route of the info-dump and clumsily explains the rationale behind all of the violence we’ve seen so far.  So, “Sanctuary” turned out to be Mortal Kombat all along, with a deranged lunatic running a fight ring inside an old church that’s supposedly going to lessen internal mob violence.  (The previous issues hinted that a mystical or supernatural revelation was coming, but whatever.)  Midnight was a target because of an unrevealed relationship with a character that hasn’t been mentioned so far, and oh yeah, she’s also Johnny Woo Woo’s sister.  Johnny Woo Woo is also a target of Lord Dong due to, as the internet likes to say “reasons,” and that’s supposed to explain everything that’s been going on for the past three issues.  All of this information is revealed in giant blocks of text that are awkwardly shoved into, surprise, another fight scene.  Speaking of those giant blocks of text, I don’t want to pick on the creative team for every misspelled word in this series, but I can’t let “there’s” being written as “they’re’s” go without comment.  Unless you speak English as a second language, “they’re’s” no excuse for that one.

As for the nominal stars of the miniseries, Raphael has a brief psychotic break, followed by a quickie realization that maybe violence isn’t always great after Casey Jones is apparently killed.  Casey is just fine, of course, and free to hit on the demure Midnight by the story’s end.  She tells him that she’s no good for him, the heroes go home, and there’s a tossed off comedy bit involving Detective Choy and his assistant (whose name I haven’t caught, if in fact it’s ever been given) selling roadside hot dogs as a part of their plan to move to Mexico.  This was all mindless violence, yet the final issue tries to feed us a story rationalization and an insincere moral lesson at the end anyway.  With the exception of the brother/sister revelation, none of the information saved for the final issue needed to be withheld for so long, and I can’t imagine anyone bought Raphael’s conversion from vicious lunatic to pacifist.  If you’re going to be publishing four issues of relentless violence, it’s better to present it in an imaginative way, or at least make it funny.  Outside of shock value, and a few pieces of nice art, there’s nothing memorable here.  

BODYCOUNT #3 – May 1996

Credits:  Kevin Eastman (story & layouts), Simon Bisley (pencils & inks), Steve Lavigne (letters & colors), Altered Earth Arts (computer colors)

Pizza-Free Summary:  Casey, Raphael, and Midnight escape with Courtney.  As the authorities close in on Johnny Woo Woo, Courtney takes the group to an abandoned church to meet the mysterious Martin.  Martin tells Midnight that she is “our” champion, but she’ll have to fight before she sees Sanctuary.  Meanwhile in Hong Kong, Lord Dong boasts that he will soon reunite East and West.  Johnny Woo Woo and his men invade Martin’s church, not long before the authorities and Dong’s personal army also arrive.  As Woo Woo massacres Martin’s men, Casey and Raphael raid their weapons closet and join the fray.

Continuity Notes:  Casey Jones finds his patriotic mask, the one he wears in the upcoming Image Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles series, inside Martin’s weapons closet.  For the record, Casey states that he hates guns, while Raphael decides this issue he loves them.

Not Approved By The Comics Code Authority:  More graphic violence, more profanity, and now nipple pokes make an appearance on literally every female character in the issue.

I Love the ‘90s:  Raphael’s opinion of the dilapidated church, “Looks like something outta that Crow flick!”

Review in a Half-Shell:  In fairness, the mindless violence is slightly less mindless this time.  This issue hints that Midnight is more than just the victim of a routine mob hit, and that she has some preordained destiny that places her in-between Lord Dong and the mysterious Martin.  Unfortunately, Martin is so “mysterious” that nothing he says comes across as coherent, while Lord Dong’s true motivation remains unknown.  (And if you think a cheap joke is made at the expense of Lord Dong’s name, you’re right.)  Making this more frustrating is the lettering, which has been filled with typos and missing commas for the series’ entire run.  This issue also suffers from some confusing balloon placement that ruins the flow of dialogue in a few scenes.  So, there’s a hint of a story now, but due to the choppy writing and lack of proofreading, piecing together what it’s supposed to be is simply annoying.

Simon Bisley delivers his best work of the mini so far this issue.  He’s given a wider variety of things to draw this time, so even if the reader still has to endure the numerous repetitive pages of people shooting at each other, the backgrounds look great.  The landscapes and architecture add some life to the book, and Bisley’s cartoony interpretations of the various armed goons are much more charming this time.  He’s obviously working from a weak plot, and I still find his female characters unappealing, but he does seem to be enjoying himself this issue.

BODYCOUNT #2 – April 1996

Credits:  Kevin Eastman (story & layouts), Simon Bisley (pencils & inks), Steve Lavigne (letters & colors), Altered Earth Arts (computer colors)

Pizza-Free Summary:  Casey, Raphael, and Midnight escape Johnny Woo Woo’s men and travel to Pittsburgh.  On their way, another encounter with Woo Woo leaves a gas station destroyed.  In Pittsburgh, Midnight is reunited with her friend Courtney, who will allegedly arrange her trip to “Sanctuary.”  Johnny Woo Woo finds Courtney’s hideout and another firefight ensues.  Meanwhile, Detective Choy is assigned the case and paired with FBI agent Bode.

Continuity Notes:  Midnight claims she was “just a driver” for the mob and doesn’t know the details of their activities.  Raphael is suspicious, and doesn’t want to be rewarded with Midnight’s mob money.  Raphael is also unable to fire a gun during the story’s opening, since his fingers won’t fit in the trigger hole.  He later rips off the metal surrounding the trigger and fires an Uzi for the first time.

I Love the ‘90s:  Raphael comments “I feel retarded!” while in disguise at Grand Central Station.  It seems unlikely a major publisher would let that line go through today.

What the Shell?:  During one of the action scenes, Raphael picks up a grenade, pulls the pin, throws it into a hot dog cart, and shoves the cart into Woo Woo’s henchmen.  Why go through this elaborate sequence, and destroy someone else’s property, when you could just throw the stupid grenade?

Not Approved By The Comics Code Authority:  More ultra-violence, including more than one depiction of a character (literally) getting his head blown off or a hole blown in his body.

Review in a Half-Shell:  Hey, let’s follow up the previous issue of continuous running and fighting with more running and fighting.  The major problem with the story so far is that Midnight remains a cipher, so there’s no investment in whether or not the mob catches her.  Casey Jones’ decision to aid her is also poorly justified, the only explanation being that he’s a sucker for a pretty face.  Raphael, for his part, is reluctant to go along with any of this, but eventually decides to just enjoy the violence.  (That part I don’t mind so much, and to Eastman’s credit, he does establish early on that Raph wants nothing to do with the mob.)  The weak plot was a given, but so far I haven’t seen an action sequence so great it justifies the series’ other flaws.

The only break from the violence comes in two cutaway scenes, and both are so flimsy it’s hard to really rationalize their existence.  One scene has Detective Choy being assigned the case based on an unrevealed history with Woo Woo, and the other has Woo Woo flashing back to his assignment from Lord Dong to kill Midnight.  He doesn’t particularly want to do it, but he’s a loyal soldier and he’s going through with the job anyway.  Regardless, Woo Woo remains a dull antagonist, one without the personality required to carry an all-action story.  The only redeeming feature at this point is Bisley’s art, which is fairly inconsistent.  I like his Raphael, and some of his detailed close-up shots of the various characters look amazing.  However, I don’t care for his shorthand figures (all of those no-neck men are distracting), and his female characters all look Hustler cheap.  

BODYCOUNT #1 – March 1996

Credits:  Kevin Eastman (story & layouts), Simon Bisley (pencils & inks), Steve Lavigne (letters & colors), Altered Earth Arts (computer colors)

Pizza-Free Summary:  Casey Jones is kicked out of a bar during a fight.  He lands on top of Midnight, who happens to be passing by.  She unexpectedly spots a car belonging to Johnny Woo Woo, her former partner in crime.  Midnight evades Johnny’s henchmen while flashing back to her last disastrous mission in Hong Kong.  She runs inside the bar, where Casey greets her again and offers help.  They’re cornered by Johnny Woo Woo and his men in the back of the bar, when Raphael suddenly enters from above.  With Raphael's help, Casey and Midnight escape.

Production Notes:  

• Bodycount #1 originally saw life as Mirage Publishing’s Casey Jones and Raphael #1.  (“Bodycount” was the name of the storyline, but not the official title of Mirage’s miniseries.)  The initial cover date was October 1994.  Mirage stopped publishing comics after the first issue was released, leaving the miniseries unfinished until Erik Larsen agreed to publish TMNT material through Image.  Re-released as Bodycount,the series ran as four issues (one of them the reprinted first issue), rather than the originally announced five.  Jim Lawson has a back-up story “Guzzi LeMans” in the original Mirage issue that isn’t finished in the Image series.
• Kevin Eastman was incorrectly listed as the penciler in the original Mirage printing of this comic; the Image version lists Bisley as the penciler and Eastman as the layout artist.
• Casey Jones and Raphael #1 had twenty pages, while Bodycount #1 includes six additional story pages.
• The cover date lists February 1996, while March 1996 is listed in the indicia.

Not Approved By The Comics Code Authority:  This was apparently the first TMNT comic consciously published for an adult audience.  It features numerous bloody battle scenes and several uncensored uses of the word “shit” (which was still incredibly rare in an Image comic of this era).

Review in a Half-Shell:  It’s not a secret that while Peter Laird leans towards Jack Kirby, Kevin Eastman’s tastes are much closer to Heavy Metal.  (You might even say Eastman is Heavy Metal’s biggest fan.)  That blend of influences brought a lot of life to the early Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles stories, which jumped from sci-fi to martial arts to Silver Age Marvel to grindhouse street brawls.  It’s not that much of a shock that Eastman would want to do a grittier TMNT series with Simon Bisley, but I was surprised by how far they took the concept.  It’s one thing to declare that TMNT was never intended for small kids; it’s another to produce a comic that actively alienates the audience that made the concept a billion dollar franchise.

To be clear, Bodycount is trashy and dumb.  That doesn’t automatically mean it’s bad; I can enjoy trashy and dumb entertainment, you just have to know what you’re getting into.  The goal of the story is to churn out fast-paced action and violence while providing readers with the cheap thrill of seeing bloody gore and potty talk in a Turtles comic.  The influence is John Woo (you might have noticed a cleverly hidden homage to his name), which hints at an early problem with the plot.  Comics are static images, while film is constant movement.  A three-minute John Woo action scene properly translated into a comic would run around sixty pages, and would most likely test the patience of the average reader.  The violence in Bodycount is already tiresome before the first issue is up, so I’m not sure where the rest of the series has to go from here.  There’s also a basic storytelling problem that makes the debut issue a little too frustrating -- it’s hard to tell when the Hong Kong flashback begins and ends.  Upon a rereading, this was a little easier to discern, but the awkward transition is a barrier to understanding Midnight’s connection to Johnny Woo Woo.  

This clearly isn’t a story designed to make you think, just as it isn’t intended as all-ages fun, so it wouldn’t be entirely fair to judge it by that standard.  The action maintained my interest during the opening pages (which features that unique leathery texture of Bisley’s inks and nice digitally painted colors during Casey’s bloody bar brawl), but my mind wandered during the Hong Kong flashback, and by the end of the story I didn’t have a real interest in what happens next.  The combination Eastman/Bisley Raphael splash page, however, is one strong image.  I get the appeal of a street-level TMNT story focusing on Casey and Raphael, but I also feel that the excessive “adult” content comes across as trying too hard.  As a kid, the graphic nature of the project would’ve appealed to me, if only because of its forbidden nature.  As a teen, I would wonder why I should bother with the book when there’s more extreme material on HBO.  As an adult, I just shrug my shoulders.

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES: The Comic Strip - February 10, 1992 to March 13, 1992

Heaven’s in Here (Part Three)

Credits: Dean Clarrain (writer), Jim Lawson & Dan Berger (art), Mary Kelleher (letters)

Summary:  Now awake, Michelangelo attacks Brik and Brak.  Nearby, Donatello bypasses the spaceship’s defenses and gains control.  He flies back and joins Michelangelo in the fight.  While battling the aliens, Ka'kfa observes Donatello protect the life of one of his roaches.  Ka'kfa orders his roaches to turn on the aliens.  Brik attempts to end the battle by releasing another bomb, but Michelangelo shoves the dropping back into Brik’s orifice, seriously wounding him.  Brak is forced to admit defeat and agrees to leave Earth alone.  Ka'kfa decides to repay Donatello’s kindness by ordering his roaches to eat the gunk that’s encased Leonardo and Raphael.  

We're Killing the Earth! :  Michelangelo gives Brik and Brak extra lumps for attempting to create more greenhouse gases.  Later, as the Turtles exit, Ka'kfa agrees that nothing’s more important than saving the only Earth we have.

Review in a Half-Shell:  Aside from the gross-out factor, there’s nothing here that wouldn’t be at home on the old Saturday Morning TMNT cartoon.  More annoying is the strip’s tendency to repeat story beats for no apparent reason, which is on full display in the final days of this arc.  (For some reason, we need to see Mike throw Brik’s “stink bomb” back into his head-anus three days in a row.)  The cartoon at least had some level of irony in its strongest episodes; this storyline is extraordinarily sincere and lacking even one decent joke.  The Turtles fight some gross aliens and then the Cockroach King decides that he’s going to side with the Earth after all.  You should, too.  Now go recycle, you brats.  

That’s right, I’m outraged that this piece of children’s entertainment holds no value to me as an adult.  Seriously, I do realize that I’m far from the target audience for the strip, but the previous chapters showed a willingness to experiment with the format and to explore some of the deeper questions inherent in the TMNT concept.  I had some hope that the strip could truly be “all ages.”  This series of strips is a simplified version of material that we’ve already seen in the Archie book, and it wasn’t so fantastic the first time around.  But, hey, it does provide basic Turtles action for kids, and maybe Ka'kfa’s character arc meant something to a nine-year-old reading his parents’ copy of the paper while eating his box of Urkel-Os Sweetened Cereal.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - The Arcade Game

A true classic from my childhood, the 1989 TMNT arcade game. (So many quarters...)

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES: The Comic Strip - December 30, 1991 to February 7, 1992

Heaven’s in Here (Part Two)

Credits: Dean Clarrain (writer), Jim Lawson & Dan Berger (art), Mary Kelleher (letters)

Summary:  The Turtles fight Brik and Brak, but are unprepared for the aliens’ viscous discharge.  Donatello escapes capture and races to get help.  He discovers Brik and Brak’s spaceship.  Once Donatello enters, he sets off the ship’s security alarm.  Meanwhile, Brik and Brak discuss with Ka'kfa their plan to destroy Wall Street and then consume the Earth’s tropical forests.  Ka'kfa summons his army of cockroaches from throughout the city.  They climb over Michelangelo’s captive body, tickling him.

Continuity Notes:  In the Adventures series, Scul and Bean release “stink bombs.”  In the strip, Brik and Brak release similar substances, but here, the bombs release a fluid that holds the Turtles captive.  If that also happened in the Adventures series, I’ve mercifully erased the memory.

Review in a Half-Shell:  The second storyline turns out to be a much shorter, much more straightforward adventure tale, losing all of the interesting elements from the first arc.  It’s the Turtles versus the gross aliens and the nasty cockroach monster, and while I’m sure most kids were anxious for a fight scene, this format doesn’t lend itself to action, and it’s hard to find a reason to care about any of this.  Presumably, the sermons about man’s destruction of the environment were supposed to add some depth to the story, but it’s tired material for anyone who’s already read Clarrain/Murphy’s previous work.  (Or any other piece of kids’ entertainment from the early ‘90s, since environmentalism was the cause every franchise latched onto in order to justify its pro-social value.  Troma even tried to launch the Toxic Avenger as a kids’ property using environmentalism as the hook.)  There’s also this business about Wall Street that doesn’t seem to serve any real point.  Clearly, the aliens don’t need to attack Wall Street in order to go forward with their plan of eating up the rainforests, so either we’re supposed to laugh at their naïve plan or just accept it as a part of the writer’s political statement.  Either way, I doubt it was a plot thread that had any appeal to kids.  Younger readers probably were entertained by the gross-out elements of the strips, though.  Brik and Brak have absolutely disgusting powers; powers so foul, it’s kind of amazing they made it to print in an era when people were scandalized by fart jokes in Disney movies.  The Archie series made sure not to color the “stink bombs” any color that resembled human feces, but in the black and white strip, the reader is free to imagine just what color the discharge is supposed to be.  And, really, what other color are you going to think of?  Also, the Turtles are covered in this stuff for many of these strips.  Did Pogo ever use roach armies and alien feces to make a point about the environment?

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - The Disney Days

Footage from the Ninja Turtles’ 1991 live show at MGM Studios in Walt Disney World. They arrive in the Party Wagon!  


They also performed with Alan Thicke...